How Do You Get Over A Loved One's Death? I am having such a hard time.
71Death and Saying Goodbye
The hardest words to say are Good Bye. From the time we are children, we learn that "bye-bye" means that person is going away. Some good byes are harder than others, while some are close to impossible.
I lost my father about 4 weeks ago today. I know all about the pain you feel when a loved one passes away. There are so many questions cycling through your head, mixed with raw emotions of the things you should've and could've and would've done if you had only known; if you would've had just one more day, one more hour, even a single minute.
The Healing Process:
There are several steps in the process of losing a close loved one. There's shock, sadness, anger, and acceptance. There is not acceptable amount of time that you should spend in any of those categories, and it varies from loss to loss depending on a variety of criteria. You should however see an improvement over a relatively short period of time, not exceeding a few months at max.
Shock: When you first find that your loved one is no longer with you. Whether you are standing next to the person as they pass away or if you are 100 miles away or across the globe, you will always experience the shock factor. An emptiness where that person once was is almost immediate. You pass through this stage with a variety of feelings. Disbelief and justifying how it could happen to someone so close.
Sadness: The only common ground of grief is the sadness. You will feel sad for the death of your loved one, for those who have lossed as you, and you will feel sad for yourself, too. The crying will come and it'll go away.. and come back again when you least expect it. Little things will make it hurt again.
Anger: You may feel angry. Angry that your loved one is gone, angry at the doctors that couldn't help, angry at the family members or angry at yourself. Anger slows the healing process. The longer you are angry, the more pain you will endure until you are able to pass into the acceptance stage.
Acceptance: There are a variety of acceptance levels. Moving in this phase is the hardest to cope with. You have to find something that lets you release the pain and somewhere or someone you can talk to when you feel yourself slipping back from this into anger.
Where you are, you want to move on, you're ready to move on, but you haven't dealt with the pain yet. Allow yourself to let go. You can find solice in religion, in writing, in songs, or creating. Make something special that represents your love and pain of the loss.
When my dad died, I cried. I still cry once in a while when I think about my loss, and how I can't seem to let go. I think of what was and what should've been. I found that I could release that pain if I had a place to go and see all the good times we had. I made a slide show to put on myspace. You could make a scrapbook, or design a special project, or write a letter to your loved one.
I take comfort in knowing that my dad can hear me now, and that he's always able to be with me. I know that I can watch my slideshow when I need to cry, and restrict myself from crying any other time, as much as possible. I still feel loss, I have a hole where he once stood, but I know that I have to move on, and that he would want me to.
If you are still feeling grief, and its getting in the way of your normal life, you may want to try grief counseling, or go to this website: http://www.journeyofhearts.org/
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I feel a great big empty space one that i held only for my dad, and now he is gone, no more Sunday talks on the phone, I really do miss our speacial time.
Hi CSeskey,
Reading your hub reminded me of the loss of my own father. Now, my stepfather who has been a father to me since my mother remarried, is very weak and continue to struggle for dear life after a stroke. We never know when the time of passing from here to there will come.All we have is the God-given capacity to be able to let go when the time comes. It's not easy, I know, but accepting that everything has an end will help us.
Your tips on how to cope with loss are valuable. Thanks for sharing your pain.
I wish you join my fan club. I'm rating your hub with an "up".
franciaonline
I think the hardest part about death is trying to realize you lost something. Some people go crazy because they can't accept that someone isn't with them anymore. When I was 12, my eight-year-old sister choked to death. I found comfort in touch. I was and still am a religious person, but for the first time I used prayer beads. I also touched smooth things. Just to make sure it will stay with me. When I met someone new, I would touch their hand quickly to make sure they weren't leaving. I also realized that just saying "I love you" could make you feel good. I cried for a week and refused to talk to anyone but my youngest sister, who was a toddler. My mom left my dad, sister, and me a few days after her funeral, which made the pain worse. I accepted that and I realized what I wouldn't do as an adult. I am now very happy, and I am still regretful, but my sister and mother are in a happier place. Laughter can be the best medicine, but try to cry yourself out.
William F. Torpey Level 2 Commenter 4 years ago
Overcoming grief is difficult for anyone. Generally, denial is considered one of the stages one goes through. I'm not sure we ever overcome the grief, but somehow we get through it. Hospice and other organizations suggest joining groups that offer counseling and communications with others who are grieving their losses. It's a difficult subject, but one that must be raised for those who seek help in the grieving process.